The One Question Which Stephen Colbert Wants to Ask Donald Trump

Apparently Stephen Colbert is the host of something called “The Late Show” on CBS.  I vaguely recall a show with that name that was on many decades ago before I became gainfully employed.  During one of the breaks in filming Colbert participated in a question and answer session with the audience where he was asked what the one question was that he wished he could ask Donald Trump.  To which he replied;

What does Vladimir Putin’s dick taste like?

In case you don’t understand where this comes from it is based on the charge that Trump is too friendly with the Russians, and also that he made a recent remark about how they should release the info they hacked from Hillary’s server.  Leftists are pretending to be upset about this because it might expose secret information, which they also simultaneously believe was not on Hillary’s server.

The Russians have already been doing something similar.  Through their surrogates they have been slowly leaking information they hacked from DNC servers about how the Democrats were going to screw over Bernie.  So Democrats latched onto Trump’s remark as a distraction and are trying to imply the Russians are working to help elect Trump.  That could be true since I think Putin rightfully thinks Hillary is an idiot and a danger to both herself and the world. And Trump has made noises about NATO that I take as his bargaining position to get our European allies to pay something for their own defense instead of dumping all of their money into social programs and then lecturing us on why we don’t do the same when we are already footing the bill for their defense.  No one freeloads like a socialist.  Nevertheless, the Russians might read Trump’s remarks in a different light.

But there are other motivations for the Russian’s actions.  No one has mentioned the possibility that it serves Russia’s purpose to boost a socialist like Bernie Sanders.  Not only does it advance the cause, but in this instance it also points out the corruption in our system.  This is something the Russians often do because it helps to get Russian citizens to accept the even greater level of corruption in their own system.  They can point and say, “See, the Americans do it too.”  This has been a favorite game of theirs since the revolution.  It is also likely that they tried, and were unsuccessful at hacking the RNC, or were successful and were disappointed with what they found.

At any rate, that is the predicate and you are welcome to have a go at answering Colbert’s question.   I would merely speculate that given where it has been the last 7 years it probably tastes exactly like Obama’s bunghole.  But somehow, I don’t think that is the answer Colbert was looking for.



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You Must Not Venture Outside the Prescribed Area

Q. Should I wave the white flag?: Two months ago, I met someone wonderful and we stayed up talking until sunrise. He lives far away and we don’t know where this is going but we are both pleasantly surprised. I’m thrilled at how open-minded he is; he’s an Army guy who builds guns and I’m a Bernie supporter with a masters in global affairs, but we just get each other. Last night he sent me a photo and it was the first time I let myself see that he has two tattered flags tattooed on his chest: the American flag and the Confederate flag with a particular animal in front of each. (This is apparently a common tattoo.) Our relationship is already a long shot but I really am impressed by him and want to be open to his explanation that this isn’t in support of the Confederacy (how?). Is there any world where this isn’t doomed? FYI, I’m black, he’s white and I don’t want to ask my family or close friends for fear that if he and I can continue they would have a hard time putting that knowledge aside

This question was asked of someone named Prudence at Slate.  Her advice is what you would predict.  The young woman should run away from the racist bastard.  And that might be decent advice. But you really can’t arrive at that point based on just the information in the question.

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You Know Where You Shouldn’t Get in an Argument?

In a car. At a nature park — where they have tigers roaming freely about the grounds.

Tigger warning — graphic (but blurred) video follows!

Apparently a woman had gotten out of the car due to an argument she was having with someone else in the car. Ironically enough, according to The Telegraph (where there is an unblurred version of the video) it was the second woman who came to her aid who was killed. The first woman was “just” mauled.

Most of us have done something stupid that could have killed us at one point or another in our lives. But I have to think that we have lost our understanding of what nature truly is. Every living organism above a certain complexity is looking to feed on another living organism. And while we are at the top of the heap that can change very quickly when we are taken out of our element and plopped down in a more natural habitat.

Update: Once again Helm’s Deep has been blessed with a link from Ace’s Place.  And like a starving merchant peddling his shoddy, overpriced wares I will now seek to interest you in some of my other offerings.  After all, you have wandered this deep into the internet, what are a few steps more for one so rich as yourself, Sahib? I have many pretty baubles of a finer quality than this post with which to amuse you if only you will follow me.

Now let’s see, perhaps you would like to read about free range titties?

Or maybe Mexican ninja warriors are more to your liking?

It is like a Tales from the Crypt around here, except without all of the cackling.  We will leave that to the headline speech at the DNC convention this week.

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Mexico is Not Threatening to Recall its Citizens if Trump is Elected

There are lots of satirical sites around the web which have generated articles to the effect that Mexico will take certain steps if Donald Trump is elected president of the United States.  Supposedly the Mexican president will do everything from calling back Mexico’s citizens, to closing the border and cutting off trade.  These articles have fooled a lot of people because we live in times when it is hard to separate fact from fiction.  Seven years of totalitarian rule where the press has completely sold out to shill for lawlessness will do that to a person.

Here are some of my favorite quotes that were supposedly from the Mexican President (whose name I won’t look up because…. Mexico).

Many Americans have expressed a desire to relocate to our country in the event that Donald Trump becomes President. We can not have Mexico flooded with criminals and rapists. They are a violent nation and they won’t send us their best.

Since one thing Mexico and central/south America has way too much of is socialism I would have to agree that an influx of leftists would be the last thing they need.  It would be like importing sand into the desert.  Also, Miley Cyrus has pledged to leave the country if Trump is elected and I don’t think Mexico wants to draw the short straw in that lottery. Zika should be quite sufficient as a substitute.

In an interview with Telemundo, Nieto also announced that “further action will be taken by the Mexican government to ensure every single citizen of Mexico currently residing in the United States is brought home safely.”

That is not much of a threat.  I guess his original offer of dinner and a blowjob was rejected.

And when our people come back home, they will take our food, music, culture and all things Mexican along with them. And in case you’re reading this, Mr. Trump – yes, that does include Mexican prostitutes you’re so secretly fond of. So, you can forget about the Sunday night specials with all-you-can-undress free deals. Because, we know everything.

At least everything that was in Hillary’s e-mails.  And was I right about the dinner and blowjobs or what?

Finally, I would like to add that all of your professional athletes, actors and actresses and pretty much all celebrities can kiss the steroids and drugs goodbye. Your country is built on cocaine, heroin, crack, marijuana (which is a Spanish word, by the way) and steroids that have come to America through Mexico. Thanks to these substances, you were able to have Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kobe Bryant, Michael Jackson, Nirvana and pretty much your entire popular culture.

This is the nut graph of the statement where even the most slow witted are supposed to realize they are reading a parody.  The mythical president’s argument boils down to “we will take away all of your drugs and prostitutes because the citizens we are calling home are drug dealers and prostitutes.”

So why would people fall for something like this?

Well here are what Fox News says are some real quotes from former president of Mexico, Vicente Fox.

I’m not going to pay for that f***king wall

And on Trump:

He is the hated gringo because he’s attacking all of us. He’s offending all of us.

Then according to Fox News he went on to threaten not only a trade war, but a shooting war before adding;

Don’t play around with us, we can jump walls, we can swim rivers, and we can defend ourselves

No doubt due to all of the steroids…

If you would like to see a picture of him giving Trump the bird then you can click here.

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Truest Thing I have Read on the Internet Today

Chrissie Hynde has the career Johnette Napolitano of Concrete Blonde should have had.

This is something I have often thought myself.  Concrete Blonde has a whole catalog of high quality songs.  The Pretenders had one big hit.

This is from an article by Kathy Shaidle where she runs down who she thinks are the most overrated female singers.  She included Sheryl Crow, which I think is a mistake because she is a good songwriter if nothing else.  And her voice is unique enough that it stands out.  She gets points for not being a walking affectation.

Kathy also includes Lady Gaga.  I could go either way with this one, but I think the main thing we learn from the success of Lady Gaga is that Madonna is dead and her corpse is just carrying on in her stead because there is no way Lady Gaga is not her reincarnation.  They have pretty much the same schtick and wardrobe.

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Free Range Titties to Lead Assault on the Patriarchy

According to a recent article in USA Today the new plot by millenial women to stick it to the patriarchy is to go braless.

“Going braless is as old as feminism but it seems to be bubbling to the surface more recently as a direct response to Third Wave moments like #freethenipple, increased trans-visibility like Caitlyn Jenner’s Vanity Fair cover … and Lena Dunham’s show Girls (which features young girls often without bras),”

I love how historically illiterate these people are.  Yeah, no one ever went braless  before feminism — or the invention of bras!  And yes, there is nothing that will hurt a man as severely as seeing a woman’s nipple.  I am sure the patriarchy will crumble any day now under this onslaught of unfettered areolas.  What “trans-visibility” has to do with anything is anyone’s guess.  I was not aware there was a variety of tranny which was invisible — but then how would I know if they were invisible?  Hmm, I guess they got me there with their stealth tranny technology.  The very thought of such a thing will certainly make reaching for the soap more interesting.  Still, isn’t the point of a man pretending to be the other sex that he gets to wear all of the nice things women do?  Can you imagine the disappointment of going through reassignment surgery and not getting to buy a new wardrobe?

Going natural and “not wearing a bra is a choice I find empowering and fun, but I think there’s less passion behind it (than when burning bras was done out of political protest),” says poet Savannah Brown, 19 from London, whose popular YouTube video “sav’s guide to going braless” has over half a million views.

I am wondering just how it is empowering to go with, or for that matter, without a bra? I could see it giving a woman more power over men in the aggregate by enticing them.  But if enough women do it then that power is diminished since it doesn’t change the nature of it all being a competition for the best mate.  So you really only have that power as long as others don’t emulate you.  The other way to have power is to deny viewing of the goods to the public at large and only display them to certain, well vetted candidates who have earned the right to see them.  We used to call these people husbands or boyfriends.  But either way it is true that if one sort of power is gained by waving the girls at every Tom, Dick and Harry who comes down the pike then another type of power is certainly lost.

“But Thatch,” my fine, furry feminist interlocutor might say “why must you couch a woman’s decision to go braless in terms of what men like, you (insert tiresome cis-ad hominem here)?”  To which I reply, “because those are the terms you set when you told me your clothing choice was a political statement. You implied that the patriarchal force which emanates from the very pores of the universe was conspiring to cause you to wear something not of your choosing.  Therefore you linked the issue of what men think to what you wear and I humored you by examining the issue from that perspective even though the whole thing is crazypants.”

I hate how everything has to be stated in political terms these days.  If Obama will be damned to hell for any one thing it is making it impossible to discuss a single topic of any sort without someone trying to wedge their politics into it.  Fashions, like the climate (see what I wedged in there) change.  The causes are never due to one obvious factor.  We could as easily ascribe this change towards free range titties as a part of the tiny house trend as we could a misguided attempt to change the power differential between genders.

As we have become poorer under a more socialist order we have seen attempts at trying to promote the new normal as superior to what we had before.  Socialists always do this.  Their results are never superior so the standards of success have to be redefined.  If you can’t afford a decent size house then smaller houses must be made to seem superior or more virtuous in some manner because otherwise we must admit the failure of the new order.  It is like Venezuela justifying the lack of steaks at the market by saying people are choosing to eat healthier (I don’t know if Venezuela made this exact excuse, but I am sure their propaganda machine made some substantially similar).  If you lose your health insurance under the ACA and it is replaced by some overpriced crap where you pay for both your insurance and that of Duncan “Donut” McFatass  of the clan McFatass down the road then we must all pretend that you have improved your situation because now your plan will pay to have your dick cut off should you take such a notion.  If you watch for these excuses you will see lots of them in our present day economy.  Even candy bars are smaller these days because we must lead smaller, shorter, meaner, less ambitious lives.

So if young feminists are trying to punish men by letting loose the Kracken sweater kittens of war then, like everything else this generation does, they are doing it all wrong.

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A Strange Symmetry of Dark and Light

Looking at the lineup of speakers for the respective conventions I was struck by the contrast, and in at least one instance, the symmetry of the selections.  Last night the Republicans had the mother of Sean Smith (who died serving the country in Benghazi) as a speaker.  This was a man whose death Hillary lied about for no greater reason than to protect her own ample ass — and she did so while standing over his body at his funeral because that is the sort of soulless ghoul that she is.  She pledged to go after a completely innocent filmmaker to avenge Sean’s death as if such an act would be anything other than an insult to the principles and values which he gave his life to defend.  It is as if Hillary had in her head some caricature of what those who serve our country believe and feel.  She thought offering vengeance against an unrelated, third party would quench the blood-lust which must assuredly fill the hearts of those who are not as enlightened as she.  And, of course, the rubes would never see through her ruse.

Whereas the Democrats will allow the mother of Michael Brown to speak at their convention.  He was a man who strong-armed a minority owned business and then attacked a cop twice before being shot to death.  His death was also cloaked in a lie for political advantage.  It was used as the genesis for a whole movement which was built around the blood libel that the US is full of racist cops hunting young black men.  And as we have just seen, that lie has lead to the deaths of many innocent policemen whose only goal was to protect the communities in which they lived.

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One More to Cap the Day – Ray Charles Sings America the Beautiful to Ronald Reagan

I doubt Ray Charles ever had a more appreciative audience for this song.  Even when I was a snot-nosed young man just beginning to take guitar lessons, I understood the absolute genius that Ray Charles was by how he arranged his version of this song.  I saw a different performance which is probably lost to time now, but this one certainly has the advantage of an audience to whom the words were not just a set of lyrics — and of course there was a giant in attendance that night.  We will not see his like again.

It is sad that you can’t expect this sort of brilliance or emotion at the conventions we have coming up.  Everything is smaller and meaner now as socialism and identity politics has turned the country into nothing more than a bunch of mobs trying to raid each other’s pocketbooks.

We can be better than that, and this is a reminder of it.

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Happy 4th of July!

I have been looking for this song for while.  It made the rounds of the right wing blogs back in 2007 before the bottom fell out and the country decided to bankrupt itself both fiscally and spiritually in a rush to trade liberty for a false security.  It is an optimistic song that looks at freedom from a different angle.  We spend most of our time worrying about our freedoms and defending them since they are under such heavy and unrelenting assault.  But it is worthwhile to sit back occasionally and ask ourselves what are we going to do with the freedoms we still have?

Ironically enough, I was only able to find this song because of a link to it on Little Green Footballs.  The proprietor there posted it before he had what was probably the most public nervous breakdown in the history of what was then a fairly young internet.  And I am proud to say that his site and the Guardian are the only two sites I have been banned from on the internet.  What got me at LGF was taking too strong an exception to Justice Sotomayor’s racist comments about Latinas being superior to old white men in dispensing justice.  Now we see Trump getting in trouble for subscribing to the very doctrine that Sotomayor invoked, namely that the justice you receive in court depends on the nationality or race of the person doing the dispensing.  Shame on him for taking Sotomayor at her word.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!  Grab a beer or your favorite beverage, then go get out from behind your computer and do something fun to celebrate what our Founding Father’s fought so hard, and risked so much for!

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100 Nobel Laureates Accuse Greenpeace of Being Cereal Killers

Puns aside, they really do take the gloves off and accuse Greenpeace of being little more than mass murderers.

More than 100 Nobel laureates have come together to sign a letter accusing Greenpeace of “crimes against humanity” for the environmental group’s anti-scientific stand against genetically modified organisms, in particular the group’s effort to stop the use of a kind of rice aimed at eradicating vitamin A deficiency, a scourge that has killed millions in the last decade and blinded tens of millions more. The victims, according to the World Health Organization, are mostly children and pregnant mothers.

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