Yesterday was National Junk Food Day. I tell you this now, after the fact, so as not to tempt any of you to break your diets in celebration of the sugary goodness that is man’s greatest achievement… junk food. If I had my way Dr. Pepper would be given the Nobel Prize in medicine not just this year, but every year.
If missing the celebration upsets you then I doubt you will like learning that National Ice Cream Day was the day before yesterday. Don’t worry, no need to thank me. I consumed enough for both of us and saved you a good 1000 calories in the process. What were you going to do with them anyway? Send them to a starving orphan somewhere?
If you are still mad, please know that National Chocolate Day is only another 51 weeks away. I will try not to consume your portion before then. But I make you no promises.
Thus ends the Public Service Announcement.